The wonders of cable

I only watch cable once or twice a year, but I'm always amazed at what I see. Consider:

1) On TLC's Untold Stories of the ER, a reality show, a man comes into the ER with an ice pick stuck in his ear, thru his skull. It seems that there were demons in his head, so he took action. But incredibly he hasn't damaged his brain or any important blood vessels. So the doctor goes to pull it out - and the handle comes off. That program was followed by one called The Man Whose Arms Exploded, about a steroid-using bodybuilder whose arms got so big that, well, they didn't exactly explode, but it wasn't pretty. I remember when TLC did pretty staid science and history programming.

2) Last year MTV was playing the same 6 videos in rotation, but this year I haven't seen a single video. Apparently MTV only does reality shows now.

3) A shockingly reactionary commentator on one of the news channels who for unknown reasons insisted on referring to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as "President Tom".

4) I witnessed firsthand how the cable news channels moved with cat-like agility from covering the ceasefire in Lebanon to covering the JonBenet Ramsey story. At least they utilized standards of objectivity in the JonBenet coverage.

5) A commercial for a 9/11 commemorative coin. To properly appreciate this you have to imagine the saccharine voice of the reader and the slow pans on the coin. On the front of the coin is the World Trade Center, which folds out of the coin and stands perpendicular to it - "The World Trade Center rising once again from the ashes." The coin is silver-plated but the pop-up WTC is gold-plated. Both the gold and silver "are recovered from the heart of ground zero." On the back is a "proud eagle that proclaims "God bless america" and five stars "symbolizing the five years since 9/11." In fact, "this could be the most meaningful collectible you will ever own." At last, you can combine your rabid nationalism with your cloying sentimentalism in a symbol that represents all of middle America.

Adventures in the homeland

I discovered the other day that no matter how lame of a town you're in, when you're riding around on a bike it doesn't seem so lame. I'm in Dubuque just now, and this is the first time I've ridden around here on a bike since I was a kid. The bike in question is a powder blue 3-speed women's cruiser - my mom's bike. Its rear break works on the peddles instead of the handle, which gives me a weird I'm-12-again feeling. At least I should be giving all the people who see me biking around a good laugh - Dubuquers aren't known for their openness to flexible gender roles.

So it's not the ideal bike, but it is a hell of a lot more comfortable than Sam's old mountain bike I used a couple times last week. The seat on that thing seems to have been designed with male impotence specifically in mind. Far better to be emasculated symbolically than physiologically.

I don't know what it is about Dubuque vegetarians, but they don't eat nearly enough tofu. It's unclear to me how they survive, since Dubuque cuisine consists almost exclusively of meat, potatoes, and boiled vegetables. Now, I only know two vegetarians who live in Dubuque - my mom and my cousin - but it certainly seems possible that they represent 100 percent of the total. So I'm continuing my pro-tofu campaign and beginning my I'm-a-poor-grad-student-who-can't-afford-to-eat-out-anymore campaign. So far tofu and refried black bean tacos have been a hit, as has baked tofu and vegetables with a lime sauce. But the real test comes this Saturday when I cook for both the vegetarians and their families.

Expedia sucks

Pretty predictable, altho I didn't expect them to pull a marketing stunt with their "apology". The other thing is that one of members of the Expedia Customer Support Team is named Tempy(?).

From: Expedia Travel Support
To: [me]
Date: May 3, 2006 2:11 PM [3:11 AM Beijing time]

We are contacting you regarding your flight itinerary, because we are unable to process your request for an e-ticket due to technical difficulties beyond our control.

Fares can change quickly, and in an effort to protect the fare on your behalf, we have issued paper tickets for your itinerary. We will send your tickets via express delivery to your billing address at no additional charge to you. You should receive your tickets in 2-3 business days.

We regret that we are unable to process your electronic tickets and we apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

If you have further questions, feel free to reply to this e-mail or contact Expedia customer services at 1-800-397-3342 and reference case ID 25677568. You can also visit the Expedia.com "Customer Support" page for more customer service information.

Thank you for choosing Expedia.com.

Michele

From: [me]
To: Expedia Travel Services
Date: May 3, 2006 7:50 PM [8:50 AM Beijing time]

I'm not at my billing address, which is in the United States - I'm in China. That's why I bought a ticket from China to the US, not the other way around. I hope you haven't already sent the tickets so that you can send them to the right address and not cause me to spend even more money. Please do not send the paper tickets yet and wait so that we can arrange something satisfactory.


From: [me]
To: Expedia Travel Services
Date: Aug 7, 2006 9:04 PM

Dear Expedia,

Some time ago I purchased a ticket through your service from Beijing to Chicago. When I finalized the purchase, I was told that I would be issued an eticket. After I went to sleep I received the email below, informing me that the eticket could not be issued. You then issued paper tickets and mailed them to my billing address. Unfortunately my billing address in is Iowa, and I needed the ticket in Beijing.

By the time I woke up and sent an email asking you to hold the ticket, it had already been sent. Because you sent my ticket to Iowa, I was forced to have the ticket mailed to me in Beijing at a cost of $55.

I fly between China and the USA often and so I was pleased to find that Expedia's partnership with Elong gives me a convenient option for getting tickets. But this level of service - sending tickets for a Beijing flight to Iowa without checking first - is unacceptable. I would appreciate a refund to cover the $55 I had to spend to cover your error.

Thank you.


From: Expedia Travel Support
To: [me]
Date: Aug 8, 2006 2:47 AM

Thank you for contacting us with your comments about our services.

We regret any inconvenience you may have experienced in your travels and we want to reassure you that we are dedicated to providing quality service to all our customers.

However, we realize that there are times when things don't go perfectly. As a result, we wanted to give you a coupon for $25 toward your next purchase of an Expedia Special Rate hotel or Vacation Package.

You can find your coupon in the "My Account" section of Expedia.com. Here is how to redeem it:
[instructions, blah blah blah]

If you have further questions, feel free to reply to this e-mail or contact Expedia customer services at 1-800-397-3342 and reference case ID 27670158. You can also visit the Expedia.com "Customer Support" page for more customer service information.

Thank you for choosing Expedia.com.

Tempy
Expedia.com Customer Support Team

From: [me]
To: Expedia Travel Support
Date: Aug 8, 2006 4:13 PM

Because of the inconvenience you caused by sending a ticket leaving from Beijing to Iowa, you offered me "$25 toward your next purchase of an Expedia Special Rate hotel or Vacation Package". It's bad enough that $25 does not even cover half the $55 I had to spend to make up for Expedia's incompetence. But I have not nor do I intend to use Expedia's hotel or vacation package services. This is not simply inadequate, it's useless.

Perhaps this is a standard "apology" that you use to encourage people to start using your hotel and vacation package services? Well, it's insulting.

I have no need of your marketing strategies, and I will not be using Expedia again.

From: Expedia Travel Support
To: [me]
Date: Aug 8, 2006 4:21 PM

Dear Expedia Customer,

Thank you for contacting us about our services.

We regret that your experience with Expedia.com was not satisfying. Comments such as yours are read by numerous people within Expedia and help shape our policies and practices as we learn and grow.

It is never Expedia.com's intent to mislead or to inconvenience our clients, and we are sorry that you feel Expedia has done so. We respect your decision to discontinue using our services, however, we hope that you would reconsider and visit us in again at www.expedia.com.

If you have further questions regarding this issue, feel free to reply to this e-mail or contact Expedia customer services at 1-800-397-3342 and reference case ID 27670158. You can also visit the Expedia.com "Customer Support" page for more customer service information.

Thank you for choosing Expedia.com.

Melody
Expedia.com Customer Support Team

Back in the belly of the beast

The journey back to the States went well enough considering how many things could have gone wrong.

1) I had two huge suitcases on the verge of disintegration because of low-quality standards of Chinese luggage, plus a big duffel bag and a briefcase, altogether two-thirds filled with heavy, heavy books (I brought a grand total of 62 books back with me) - but somehow none of the suitcases were over the weight limit and everything made it to Chicago intact.

2) They wouldn't let me bring both the briefcase and the duffel bag as carry-ons - but they didn't charge me for adding a third checked bag.

3) Expedia's incompetency left me without a reserved vegetarian meal - but United made me a good one anyway.

4) The girl sitting next to me was terrified of flying and spent the first 15 minutes before we took off telling her friend all the horror stories she knew of planes crashing into other planes and bombs going off in planes and even some fictional plane disasters from The X-Files, and when we were in flight she would violently jerk whenever there was the tiniest turbulence or the seatbelt light went on - but I've put my temporary flying discomfort behind me and it was more amusing and pitiable than annoying.

5) My meticulously prepared duffel bag carry-on was foiled when they made me check it, leaving me without any Chinese to read or my own music - but I still brought two dead gay French men to keep me company.

6) United's online music options are lame and loop about every hour, allowing me to hear specific Smashing Pumpkins or Offspring songs 4 or 5 times. There was no silver lining here. There's only so many times you need to hear "Come Out and Play" during a 13-hour flight.

7) I was "randomly" chosen to have all my bags searched at Customs - but they didn't confiscate any of my 200 or so pirated dvds. I think it's time to put that particular urban legend to rest.

I'd say this counts as 一路顺风.

Not with a bang but with a whimper

Compared with the frenetic pace of Ariel's last few weeks in 中国/China, my last couple weeks have been pretty anticlimactic. Ariel and I went to the 首都博物馆/Capital Museum, 民族园/Ethnicities Park, 恭王府/Prince Gong's Palace, and the 植物园/Botanical Garden, walked around the campus of 清华大学/Qinghua University, saw a couple shows, went to restaurants all around the city, and even managed to watch important movies like Left Behind: World at War, all topped off with a mad rush to finish her packing and move my stuff to the new apartment.

Since then I've managed to leave the 五道口/Wudaokou area only three times (and then only barely), subsisting on the less-than-stellar food offerings around here, with pride of place going to Subway and 天厨妙香, the local vegetarian restaurant (3 times each). I've been doing a lot of things that are not China-specific, like studying and political reading, and having a lot of political arguments against liberals over things like whether education is the solution to all our problems and whether parecon is a "bunk" economic system. I have seen a couple shows, but those are less fun when you're by yourself.

Aside from the dispiriting interactions with liberals, the weather has also drained my vitality. The first week in the new place was some sort of weather dystopia - hot, humid, and polluted. It got better, now it's only hot, but pounding sun is enough to keep me indoors most of the time.

It's certainly not all bad to have a couple weeks to relax before beginning a 2 month process of shuttling between different people's houses, and the leisurely pace of getting packed up is nice too. But it's a weird way to leave China.

Football and tackleball

To honor the beginning of World Cup competition, I hereby issue this call to all Americans:

In recognition of the fact that America is not the center of the world and should, from time to time, accept cultural imports,

In recognition of the fact that so-called American football has almost nothing to do with the feet (except when you fail to score a touchdown or when you kick off),

In recognition of the fact that the world's most popular sport does actually have a lot to do with the feet,

And in recognition of the fact that the rest of the world (apparently with the exception of Australia) is unified in what they mean when they say "football",

I call upon all Americans to call "soccer" by its internationally recognized name: football. And to call "American football" by a far more fitting name: tackleball.

The Asians have devised languages of great complexity in order to prevent Western man from penetrating their secrets

I can only remember doing two things the summer after my freshman year in college, which I spent in idleness in Dubuque (oh the innocent days before I understood the concept of resume-building). I drove with Tom from Dubuque to LA and stopped at a lot of incredible national parks along the way, and I read Spanish-language newspapers online. The idea was that I'd get my Spanish abilities high enough to retake the placement test and test out of the language requirement. The plan nearly worked - instead of having to take 3 quarters of Spanish I only had to take one quarter, which I then put off for 3 years until I had no choice but to do it or not graduate.

Aside from that summer and that 10 weeks of Spanish class in 2000, I haven't studied Spanish at all in the last 10 years. Yet when I got interested in the Peruano elections and started reading articles in El Comercio, I could do it almost entirely without a dictionary. (Altho numbers proved a big problem: every time I saw "4" the only thing I could think of was "sì", and I actually had to say in my head, "uno, dos, tres - cuatro!")

In other words, after the equivalent of 2 years of college Spanish and 6 years of utter neglect, I can now read Spanish newspapers about as well as Chinese newspapers, after the equivalent of maybe 7 years of college Chinese.

Of course I can also talk and write in Chinese, whereas my abilities to communicate in Spanish are nonexistent. Still, it's kind of demoralizing. Those among you who only need to know another European language, count yourselves lucky!

Next step for me: learn Japanese.

Moving sucks

It's three weeks before I leave 中国/China, but I've already managed two rounds of packing stress. First was the frantic last-minute helping Ariel get her stuff together, immediately followed by packing my own stuff and moving.

In China it's common to pay three months rent in advance. This advance payment was due for my apartment on June 1. On May 26 my roommates decided to tell me that I either had to pay all 3 months up front and risk losing three-fourths of that if we didn't find someone to take my room after I left, or I had to leave immediately.

To be fair, since I'm never at my place communication can be hard, and I perhaps unreasonably assumed that I could just pay the extra 3 weeks and they would deal with the rest. On the other hand, cell phones do exist and I told them a month ago that I'd be leaving June 21, so they had plenty of time to spring this on me. Ironically I paid for the room for 8 months, and the only time I really needed it was when I was kicked out of it.

Fortunately Justin's roommate left on June 1 and that room was open for a month, so this problem was easily solved. Don't know what I would have done otherwise. It's twice as expensive but nicer and more convenient to classes, so I consider myself lucky.

Yesterday being the first day I've been able to relax in awhile, and my first internet access in awhile, I went overboard with about 9 hours of reading news and blogging about the contradictions in the American economic elite. 汉语/Chinese class continues with ever more exciting lessons on Chinese holidays. I also tried going back to 한국어/Korean class, but they were too far ahead of me and the teacher wasn't very good, so I guess I'll pretend to myself that I'll do it on my own.

Now that I have access to a computer with foreign language capabilities, expect my exciting primer on Korean food soon!

The great travels are over

In the last 3 months I've been to 東京/Tōkyō, 広島/Hiroshima, 京都/Kyōto, 大阪/Ōsaka, 广州/Guangzhou, 深圳/Shenzhen, 香港/Hongkong, 澳门/Macau, 厦门/Xiamen, 泉州/Quanzhou, 福州/Fuzhou, San Francisco, Oakland, Chicago, 昆明/Kunming, and half a dozen smaller cities and towns. All told I spent 7 weeks outside of 北京/Beijing, or about one half of that 3 months. Now I can get back to studying language, pre-reading for grad school, making a little money, and spending time with Ariel.

The trip to the States, financed mostly by UC Berkeley and the University of Chicago, was ostensibly to check out the schools and see which one I wanted to go to. But I was already strongly leaning toward U of C beforehand, so it was really more about getting a chance to meet the people I'd be working with and being sure it was the right decision. A nearly free trip to the Bay area, which I'd never visited before, and a chance to see friends and family in Chicago were pretty sweet side benefits.

My time at U of C left me confident that it was the right choice and went a long way toward overcoming the disappointment of getting rejected by all the East Coast schools. In terms of overall program - faculty, students, and resources - U of C is probably better for me than Harvard, Columbia, or NYU. But I was really looking forward to trying life in a new city, preferably the same one my girlfriend was going to be living in. Nothing to be done tho. I guess I can't complain too much about living in a great city like Chicago, getting paid to learn about history.

Now that I have more free time I'll try to finally start writing about all the traveling and doing more political blogging.

update from the SEZ

This is a short update while I'm killing some time in 深圳/Shenzhen waiting for the bus to 厦门/Xiamen. First, I got into the graduate programs at Berkeley and University of Chicago. It's hard to describe how stressful was the week after Ariel heard from Columbia and before I heard from anyone. I didn't exactly prepare any back-up plans if I hadn't gotten accepted anywhere.

Still no word from Harvard, Columbia, or NYU. It's getting kind of late in the process for getting an acceptance from them, but all hope is not yet gone. In 2 weeks I'll know for sure, one way or the other. If they all reject me, it'll be pretty clear that the East Coast thinks it's too good for me.

I've spent the last week in 广州/Guangzhou, Shenzhen, 香港/Hongkong, and 澳门/Macau. These are some of the things I learned:
1) dim sum is not just for meat eaters;
2) the ferry back to Hongkong from Macau when the waves are bad is terrifying! (it's a good thing I wasn't drinking at casinos like most people there, or I would have joined half the people aboard in throwing up);
3) the "vegetarian" section for Shenzhen restaurants in that's Guangzhou is unreliable, unless it was just a misprint and they meant to put "fish torture" where they printed "vegetarian";
4) the two key products that form the basis of the street retail trade in Hongkong are watches and hash

And much more, but that'll have to wait for when I get back to 北京/Beijing.

Grad school admissions moment of truth

Well I'm back from Japan and not doing much but driving myself crazy with anxiety over whether I'll get into grad school. I could hear any day...if I'm accepted. Otherwise I might have to wait another month for the rejection letters.

Eventually I'll blog extensively about Japan, but until I can set aside enough time from worrying, you'll just have to be satisfied with the photos. I put a lot of work into the captions so check that out.

Take expired drugs!

Normally I scoff at News You Can Use, but this seems worthwhile passing along.

Suffering thru my second consecutive cold, I pulled out all the drugs I brought with me to China in 2004. To my dismay, they were all expired. That doesn't seem right, I thought, how could drugs expire?

A quick search on the internet turned up two kinds of results: 1) "Over the counter drugs and You" type lists on how to safely take drugs - all advising you to quickly throw away any expired drugs (no further explanation); 2) articles referring to a huge study the US military did on all its pharmaceuticals to see if they'd have to spend $100 million every year to replace expired drugs. The study found that the vast majority of drugs were safe and effective well past their expiration dates - up to 15 years afterward. (See this article from The Wall Street Journal.)

So now we know that pharmaceutical companies, in addition to defending the intellectual property system that kills thousands in poor countries by denying them access to drugs, also enjoys committing petty fraud against consumers in the rich world. As Francis Flaherty, the FDA pharmacist who did the study, put it, "Manufacturers put expiration dates on for marketing, rather than scientific, reasons. It's not profitable for them to have products on a shelf for 10 years. They want turnover."

Forever's gonna start tonight

Tuesday was BOGO day at the local Subway franchise. For those of you who are ignorant of the English language, BOGO means "buy one get one [free]". It's a little more elegant in chinese: 买一赠一.

Now I'm no big fan of Subway. And the one thing that makes Subway good in the USA - giardiniera - is tragically unavailable in China. Moreover, there's another sub place in Beijing, which is non-chain, much cheaper, actually has good bread, and has cheap, good french fries too. (China-living compatriots, this place is a godsend, it's called 站点 (Tube Station) and it's across the street from 北京师范大学 near the 北太平庄 bus stop on 新街口外大街, just south of 三环路 and within walking distance straight north of 积水滩 subway stop.)

But Subway is on the bike ride to school, and 站点 is definitely not, so Subway has that going for it, especially on BOGO day.

So here I was sitting in Subway, reading the survey history of modern Japan by which I hope to become interested in Japanese history, when all of a sudden the background music starts playing "Total Eclipse of the Heart". As many of you know, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is one of the best songs of all time, and probably the best song of the 1980s. (Can anyone think of any rivals? Possibly something off Slippery When Wet.) Good music is hard to come by in China, so this was a beautiful moment for me that I wanted to share with you all.

The only moment that might rival it was last summer when I was walking by Mr Pizza, which has speakers outside playing music. This nerdy-looking Chinese guy was walking toward me, singing along without a hint of self-consciousness, belting out, "Unbreak my heart! Say you'll love me again!" A good song too, tho it obviously falls short of "Total Eclipse of the Heart". But the guy singing along transformed what would have been quiet appreciation into a magical China moment that I'll never forget.

Big day today

The East Asia Summit meets, the first regional grouping that has excluded the United States (tho American clients Japan, Australia, and New Zealand all made it in). Important elections in Bolivia, which could bring another left-wing leader to power in Latin America. Elections in Iraq too. And most of my remaining grad school applications are due.

冬天来了

Winter started for real in Beijing ten days ago. That means terrible cold and strong winds off the Mongolian plains. I was just walking around for 10 minutes yesterday and my fingers went numb. Beijing winters, alas, have almost no snow. During the summer they fire mortars into the sky to seed the clouds and make it rain. I don't think they do that during winter to help out the poor American boys from the Midwest who miss the snow.

I now have a regular 20 minute bike commute from home to school in cold and wind. The onset of winter doesn't seem to have driven many Chinese people off the bike lanes, and half of them don't even wear anything on their head. My bike ride isn't so bad, really. The nice thing is that the cold makes you forget how your knees hurt from riding a bike that's too small into the wind, and dodging other bikers and cars helps you forget about the cold.

写字很好完

I'm sitting here in my fairly-sweet apartment near Beijing's 北五环路/Fifth Ring Road - to give an idea of how far away that is from everything, the Sixth Ring Road is just a planner's dream. I'm eating 烧茄子 (eggplant in sweet brown sauce) and some Lay's stewed bean curd meat flavor potato chips (no actual meat) - you lose a lot foodwise when you come to China, but you also definitely gain some important things. I'm listening to The Smiths, reading people's blogs, and feeling leisured for the first time in about a month.

The main problem is applying to grad school, but I've at last finished a rough draft of the personal statement and sent off transcript requests today. Granted, I'm willfully ignoring half a dozen other things that really should have been taken care of by now, not to mention the great looming need to deal with a writing sample, but the time pressure feels slightly diminished. Applying to grad school isn't really a hardship, but it is a constant pain in the ass with task after task that must get done, accompanied by nagging anxiety on whether you'll actually get in.

In any case, China is treating me well, aside from the pollution-induced headaches. Sorry to fall mute to everyone, as the grad school stuff continues to diminish I'll try to keep in touch better.

Another victory against corporations

Here's a story that can give us inspiration:

A small group of dedicated activists used their passion and righteousness to bring corporate giant Sony to terms and forced the record company to release the unjustly imprisoned album Extraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple. Using street protests and innovative demonstrations involving foam apples, the dedicated members of Free Fiona have finally triumphed and the album will be out October 4.

Well, actually there was some miscommunication and the album wasn't so much being withheld as it was victim to bickering between a spoiled music star and her recording company over how many more hundreds of thousands of dollars she'd have access to. But we've all learned a valuable lesson about the power of solidarity: as Fiona says, "It's good to know that if you organize you can make change, because that's certainly not what I was doing."

The unemployed expat in Beijing

I decided to take a nap Saturday at 4pm, and woke up Sunday at 6am. Jet lag and this miserable cold I've had since I got here, "THEIR POWERS COMBINED...!" and all that.

Yesterday I paid far too much for mediocre Vietnamese food at one of those dimly-lit restaurants around 后海 whose main attraction is that they ooze pre-revolutionary Chinese decadence, which they accomplish primarily thru dim lighting. But when all the people you were taking classes with get jobs in the business sector and start making expat wages, this is your lot in life.

Meanwhile I've spent a lot of unpaid time on job stuff that may or may not produce anything, and a lot of time looking for apartments whose rent is unreasonably high just because they're in the English-language listings. This place I looked at yesterday had a bed that was essentially an extra-long fold-out card table. For 1500元! (Last year I paid 1200, itself inflated, at a place that was nicer and had an actual bed.)

But this is all so much grumbling and I'm actually happy to be back. Even tho Chicago has a lot more that I like (and is much easier on the lungs), being there feels like sitting still, here feels like moving forward.

3 things that let you know you're back in Beijing

The sound of a saw in use is omnipresent;
you can see elementary school kids being drilled military-style out your window;
a thick blanket of pollution blots out the very sun.

Return to Red China

Here's the numbers for the Chicago-Beijing trip:

Hours spent in flight: 16
Hours spent waiting at airports: 8
Number of times security people were assholes: 2/2
Cost of 740 ml bottle of water at O'Hare: $2.63
Cost of 596 ml bottle of water in Beijing store: $0.11
Cost of mediocre medium-sized burrito at LAX: $8.11
Cost of breakfast at the Beijing hotel that the American businessman I was sitting next to is staying at: 150 yuan (~$20)
Cost of a meal at a typical Chinese restaurant in Beijing: 10 yuan (~$1.50)
Number of books I took with me: 27

The contrast in water is particulary striking. It would have been one thing if O'Hare had its own counterpart to Midway's Midway Springs bottled water (the marketing brilliance of selling water ostensibly collected from the clean, all-natural surroundings of an airport is incredible). Then I would have been happy to pay the airport price. But instead I got this Vasa spring water with soothing bourgeois blues and teals on the label. The Beijing water on the other hand, already 20 times cheaper, also has Chinese hearthrob Wang Lihong on the label. Now that's value!

The beer you should drink to regain 1950s masculinity

Check out these incredible commercials Errol Morris made for Miller High Life. Analysis is almost superfluous once you've seen them, but to entice your interest I'll just say that white male working-class masculinity is what each one is about. Also, if there were still any doubt, the connection between meat-eating and masculinity is hereby conclusively proven.

Public notice

Due to emotional exhaustion, I'm imposing a moratorium on future acerbic editions. At least till a tv deal comes thru and I can get some sort of monetary recompense. Sorry to eveyone who had such a fun time.

Movies lately III (acerbic edition)

Batman Begins (2005). This movie restores some dignity to the Batman genre after the disgrace of the post-Tim Burton movies. It's competent in all the ways you want Batman to be, from action to plot to atmosphere. It's also the first Batman movie to raise the issue of criminality as a social problem, rather than merely a matter of moral weakness or psychological deformity. But the film doesn't stop there, bringing a hard light to bear on amoral corporations, corrupt cops and judges, and genocidal ninja cults.

The possiblity of an interesting social critique is certainly undermined by the silly conspiracy elements of the plot, which among other things ascribe economic depression to the machinations of a secret cabal (jesus, even mainstream economists admit that depression is caused by capitalism). But maybe social critique is foreclosed from the start by the fundamental assumption behind Batman: that society can only be redeemed thru the heroic efforts of singular men and women (mainly one very rich man in particular, but also a handful of incorruptible public servants) against the grip of corruption and crime. In this drama everyone else is merely audience, understanding little and utterly incapable of themselves taking the stage. I'm pretty sure this model of social change hasn't actually produced much other than dictatorships of the proletariat and stories about the lamb of god.

The Notebook (2004). I guess it's sort of sociologically interesting that people still take seriously movies as stunningly ingenuous and painfully predictable as this one. It's not really any different from a communist propaganda film, with hardships to be endured, obstacles to be overcome, but ultimate triumph ensured - with swelling music to let us know when we should feel moved. We look at that communist stuff and laugh at it. The plots are uninteresting, the techniques of manipulation insulting, and the social uses of the movies despicable. Yet somehow love-propaganda films are different? Isn't cynicism the mark of our times? If people still believe in something, why couldn't it be, say, liberation or equality?

Bring It On (2000). I know the obvious reading of this movie has to do with race and class, how the disadvantaged can succeed thru hard work, but that our sympathy ultimately lies with the rich white people who are, deep down, good-hearted. But I choose to read it as a tragedy, the descent of two super-cool alternative kids (Eliza Dushku and Jesse Bradford) into lamedom. Unable to transcend their identities as white rich kids, the two are drawn into a vortex of inanity by Kirsten Dunst, who is not to be seen as a villain in this interpretation but rather a mere agent of fate bringing the Pantone siblings' tragic flaw to its inevitable conclusion. O, the pathos!

Movies lately II

Konjanik (2003). Holy shit! Who would have thought a Croatian movie set in the Balkans of the 1740s could be so intense and penetrating? The plot is pretty standard Romeo and Juliet stuff, but the film takes things in a much more interesting direction than trite love and examines identity in the frontier between the Ottoman and Austrian empires and the republic of Venezia. Catholics, Orthodox Christians, and Muslims all proclaim their faiths loudly, but the way they act tells us something different. Identity becomes fluid under the influence of desire, political expediency, the search for livelihood, or merely trying to survive. Overrun with violence and backstabbing, the film's portrayal of interpersonal and intercommunal conflict rings remarkably true. At the center of this maelstrom is the tragic figure of the Venetian diplomat, who makes heroic if naive efforts to negotiate these incommensurable interests and identities, but ultimately must fail.

Lagaan (2001). Bollywood movie about defeating British imperialism by learning to play cricket. I know it was supposed to generate nationalistic pride, but I couldn't help thinking about how overwhelmingly the plot centers on accepting the imperialists' terms for fighting imperialism. And the top British guys sort of got let off the hook in favor of demonizing a relatively low-ranking officer. Also, how did the white woman learn Hindi in 2 days? That was a little disorienting. But I won't say it wasn't enjoyable.

Young Guns and Young Guns II (1988, 1990). All the hot young actors of the time. The music of Jon Bon Jovi. Emilio Estevez in his best role. Death and hilarity side by side. What more could you want? These movies have a special place in my childhood, but I think there's other stuff to like too. Young Guns is a bizarre, disjointed, and deeply nihilistic sprint thru Billy the Kid's murder/revenge spree. Young Guns II is slightly less weird and clearly has superior music, but maintains the subversive ethic of friendship-thru-murder. On first glance these two seem pretty conventional, but if you think about it for a minute what they're saying is pretty disturbing.

The Lost Boys (1987). Kiefer Sutherland is surprisingly effective as a vampire, especially in contrast with his urbane outlaw character in Young Guns. The movie supposedly takes place in the murder capital of America, but I'm pretty skeptical that a beachfront California town not afflicted by deindustrialization and white flight could take that prize.

The Outsiders (1983). Decent Coppola movie based on the S E Hinton novel. The pat ending is lame, but otherwise it's pretty watchable. The real question raised by the film is: would you rather sleep with Patrick Swayze or Rob Lowe?

Blackmail (1929). Boring early Hitchcock. Aside from one sweet single-take camera shot of 2 people walking up stairs, there's not much to recommend this one. On the other hand, you do learn the terrible consequences for women who exercise independence from their men. You might also learn how not to try and blackmail someone, as the guy who tries it here is totally incompetent.

He that lives upon hope will die fasting

Sometimes I feel sad when I read the news, but bad shit is something I expect, I only really get surprised when people suddenly - and randomly - pick something messed up and get angry about it. Mostly everyone else expects it too, and knows there isn't much they can do, so they don't say anything either.

Reading about the 60s makes me sad in a completely different way. Because then people had hope, they were willing to try to do something about all the bad shit, they were willing to radically change their lives and envision a better world. Then they gave up. I get sad that they stopped hoping, and I get sad that we who came after them have never bothered to try it again.

Movies lately I

The Brothers Grimm (2005). Don't bother with this one. We all like Terry Gilliam, we all remember fondly Brazil and thought 12 Monkeys was pretty cool, and the material here had a lot of promise, but whoever was making final decisions just couldn't decide on one direction. The movie keeps making us think it's going to go down a particular path, but then erratically changes its mind and starts down a different one. At the beginning there's a hint that we might get to experience the true horror of pre-sanitized/Disneyized fairy tales, but that's quickly abandoned. At certain points it looks like Gilliam's specialty of creating bizarre characters could come thru, but in the end none of them come together very well. Three-quarters of the way in, Gilliam (or someone) decides to suddenly make an embarassing half-hearted effort at giving the main characters psychological depth, but then seems to realize it's too little too late and quickly gives up. Finally the whole rambling mess ends in conventional style, never having grabbed our attention.

Broken Flowers (2005). I was pretty disappointed with Coffee and Cigarettes, so it's nice to see Jarmusch finally come out with an actual movie again. This one doesn't let you down. While I didn't find it nearly as enjoyable as Dead Man or Ghost Dog, its power to capture the feeling of our age makes it more intellectually satisfying. ("Feeling of our age" sounds kind of grandiloquent, but I think it's appropriate.) Jarmusch concentrates on Bill Murray, a rich man with no meaning in his life and little desire to pursue any, but also gives an important place to Jeffrey Wright, his working-class friend whose eager but naive engagement with life is so great that it actually pushes Bill Murray's character out of his stasis. The quest that follows is a study in subtle acting as every encounter explores the feelings that swirl around relationships long gone, intercut with the tedium of moving between events that we, perhaps against the evidence, take to be the substance of our lives. But the real payoff comes with the end, which is perfect to the movie, and which exactly portrays where we - as individuals and a society - stand today. And the soundtrack is pretty sweet too.

Election (1999). Apparently I'm the only person who still hadn't seen this movie. It's not only a hilarious black comedy, it's also the best portrayal of the American political system I've ever seen. But in a way it's ultimately conservative, since the only character willing to challenge the system itself, Tammy Metzler, merely manipulates events to pursue her own personal goals, and quickly forgets her "revolutionary" rhetoric (does it sound stupid analyzing comedy this way?). This makes perfect sense in the context of overall despair for radical change, and we can't really fault the movie for reflecting reality, but it would be really nice to see some hope out there somewhere.

Bottle Rocket (1996). Okay, enough of these pretentious reviews. Bottle Rocket is cute, funny, and harmless. I'll spare you the WSWS-style class analysis.

Prime Cut (1972). The main reason to see this movie is that Lee Marvin is such a badass! The plot had a lot of potential, way way more than it knew what to do with. Gene Hackman plays a Kansas City meat baron, who also trades in human flesh. Lee Marvin is a Chicago enforcer for an Irish gang sent to extract debts from Gene Hackman. I want to emphasize that the gang is Irish, because the movie nearly overwhelms you with names like O'Brien, Shaughnessy, Delaney, and features a family of about 6 redheads. Lee Marvin and his men even come in for a good amount of mick-baiting from Gene Hackman and his super-Aryan henchmen. Who knew the Irish still weren't white in the '70s? Anyway, the setup is perfect for questioning the distinction we make between exploiting animals and exploiting women, but instead the movie takes the easy way out and makes the good-hearted mob enforcer teach Gene Hackman an important lesson about human supremacy. Plus the climactic fight/shoot-out was pretty lackluster. Oh well, Lee Marvin is still awesome.

A philosophical enquiry into biking

I've been doing a lot of bike riding lately, which is a great joy to me. All thanks to Jenny letting me use her sweet baby-blue-with-yellow-fenders bike. The obvious question is: does riding all over the city on a girls' bike challenge my masculinity? The answer is no, for two reasons: 1) living in China, where bikes are not gendered, has mostly eroded my need for a straight bar on the bike to reassure me that I'm not a woman; 2) it's such a sweet-looking bike!

One of the most pleasurable things in life is to sail past all the poor fools in their cars stuck in traffic. "How I am lost in admiration! How I laugh! How I rejoice! I'm full of exaltation then as I see so many great kings who by public report were accepted into heaven groaning in the deepest darkness!" There's some pretty obvious unhealthy slave morality stuff going on here. But the thing about slave morality is it's so satisfying. Who wants to give that up? And it's pretty hard to avoid ressentiment when drivers insist on almost killing you every time you go biking.

I did Critical Mass last week, which is definitely the most fun quasi-protest I've been in. What makes Critical Mass different from conventional protests includes: 1) no annoying speakers beforehand, 2) no hopelessly simplistic slogans that make you think about all the nuances that are missing, 3) you get to bike instead of walk, 4) no ISO or Spartacist contingents to make you realize how bad the left is doing, 5) you wave at onlookers and wish them happy Friday instead of shouting at them, 6) Critical Mass usually features a naked guy standing on a median holding his bike above him. Sure the lack of an explicitly anti-car message is a bit dissatisfying, but as we lay the groundwork for an anti-car coup d'etat we might as well have a good time.