2006/08/20

The wonders of cable

I only watch cable once or twice a year, but I'm always amazed at what I see. Consider:

1) On TLC's Untold Stories of the ER, a reality show, a man comes into the ER with an ice pick stuck in his ear, thru his skull. It seems that there were demons in his head, so he took action. But incredibly he hasn't damaged his brain or any important blood vessels. So the doctor goes to pull it out - and the handle comes off. That program was followed by one called The Man Whose Arms Exploded, about a steroid-using bodybuilder whose arms got so big that, well, they didn't exactly explode, but it wasn't pretty. I remember when TLC did pretty staid science and history programming.

2) Last year MTV was playing the same 6 videos in rotation, but this year I haven't seen a single video. Apparently MTV only does reality shows now.

3) A shockingly reactionary commentator on one of the news channels who for unknown reasons insisted on referring to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as "President Tom".

4) I witnessed firsthand how the cable news channels moved with cat-like agility from covering the ceasefire in Lebanon to covering the JonBenet Ramsey story. At least they utilized standards of objectivity in the JonBenet coverage.

5) A commercial for a 9/11 commemorative coin. To properly appreciate this you have to imagine the saccharine voice of the reader and the slow pans on the coin. On the front of the coin is the World Trade Center, which folds out of the coin and stands perpendicular to it - "The World Trade Center rising once again from the ashes." The coin is silver-plated but the pop-up WTC is gold-plated. Both the gold and silver "are recovered from the heart of ground zero." On the back is a "proud eagle that proclaims "God bless america" and five stars "symbolizing the five years since 9/11." In fact, "this could be the most meaningful collectible you will ever own." At last, you can combine your rabid nationalism with your cloying sentimentalism in a symbol that represents all of middle America.

2006/08/15

Adventures in the homeland

I discovered the other day that no matter how lame of a town you're in, when you're riding around on a bike it doesn't seem so lame. I'm in Dubuque just now, and this is the first time I've ridden around here on a bike since I was a kid. The bike in question is a powder blue 3-speed women's cruiser - my mom's bike. Its rear break works on the peddles instead of the handle, which gives me a weird I'm-12-again feeling. At least I should be giving all the people who see me biking around a good laugh - Dubuquers aren't known for their openness to flexible gender roles.

So it's not the ideal bike, but it is a hell of a lot more comfortable than Sam's old mountain bike I used a couple times last week. The seat on that thing seems to have been designed with male impotence specifically in mind. Far better to be emasculated symbolically than physiologically.

I don't know what it is about Dubuque vegetarians, but they don't eat nearly enough tofu. It's unclear to me how they survive, since Dubuque cuisine consists almost exclusively of meat, potatoes, and boiled vegetables. Now, I only know two vegetarians who live in Dubuque - my mom and my cousin - but it certainly seems possible that they represent 100 percent of the total. So I'm continuing my pro-tofu campaign and beginning my I'm-a-poor-grad-student-who-can't-afford-to-eat-out-anymore campaign. So far tofu and refried black bean tacos have been a hit, as has baked tofu and vegetables with a lime sauce. But the real test comes this Saturday when I cook for both the vegetarians and their families.

2006/08/08

Expedia sucks

Pretty predictable, altho I didn't expect them to pull a marketing stunt with their "apology". The other thing is that one of members of the Expedia Customer Support Team is named Tempy(?).

From: Expedia Travel Support
To: [me]
Date: May 3, 2006 2:11 PM [3:11 AM Beijing time]


We are contacting you regarding your flight itinerary, because we are unable to process your request for an e-ticket due to technical difficulties beyond our control.

Fares can change quickly, and in an effort to protect the fare on your behalf, we have issued paper tickets for your itinerary. We will send your tickets via express delivery to your billing address at no additional charge to you. You should receive your tickets in 2-3 business days.

We regret that we are unable to process your electronic tickets and we apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

If you have further questions, feel free to reply to this e-mail or contact Expedia customer services at 1-800-397-3342 and reference case ID 25677568. You can also visit the Expedia.com "Customer Support" page for more customer service information.

Thank you for choosing Expedia.com.

Michele

From: [me]
To: Expedia Travel Services
Date: May 3, 2006 7:50 PM [8:50 AM Beijing time]


I'm not at my billing address, which is in the United States - I'm in China. That's why I bought a ticket from China to the US, not the other way around. I hope you haven't already sent the tickets so that you can send them to the right address and not cause me to spend even more money. Please do not send the paper tickets yet and wait so that we can arrange something satisfactory.


From: [me]
To: Expedia Travel Services
Date: Aug 7, 2006 9:04 PM


Dear Expedia,

Some time ago I purchased a ticket through your service from Beijing to Chicago. When I finalized the purchase, I was told that I would be issued an eticket. After I went to sleep I received the email below, informing me that the eticket could not be issued. You then issued paper tickets and mailed them to my billing address. Unfortunately my billing address in is Iowa, and I needed the ticket in Beijing.

By the time I woke up and sent an email asking you to hold the ticket, it had already been sent. Because you sent my ticket to Iowa, I was forced to have the ticket mailed to me in Beijing at a cost of $55.

I fly between China and the USA often and so I was pleased to find that Expedia's partnership with Elong gives me a convenient option for getting tickets. But this level of service - sending tickets for a Beijing flight to Iowa without checking first - is unacceptable. I would appreciate a refund to cover the $55 I had to spend to cover your error.

Thank you.


From: Expedia Travel Support
To: [me]
Date: Aug 8, 2006 2:47 AM


Thank you for contacting us with your comments about our services.

We regret any inconvenience you may have experienced in your travels and we want to reassure you that we are dedicated to providing quality service to all our customers.

However, we realize that there are times when things don't go perfectly. As a result, we wanted to give you a coupon for $25 toward your next purchase of an Expedia Special Rate hotel or Vacation Package.

You can find your coupon in the "My Account" section of Expedia.com. Here is how to redeem it:
[instructions, blah blah blah]

If you have further questions, feel free to reply to this e-mail or contact Expedia customer services at 1-800-397-3342 and reference case ID 27670158. You can also visit the Expedia.com "Customer Support" page for more customer service information.

Thank you for choosing Expedia.com.

Tempy
Expedia.com Customer Support Team

From: [me]
To: Expedia Travel Support
Date: Aug 8, 2006 4:13 PM


Because of the inconvenience you caused by sending a ticket leaving from Beijing to Iowa, you offered me "$25 toward your next purchase of an Expedia Special Rate hotel or Vacation Package". It's bad enough that $25 does not even cover half the $55 I had to spend to make up for Expedia's incompetence. But I have not nor do I intend to use Expedia's hotel or vacation package services. This is not simply inadequate, it's useless.

Perhaps this is a standard "apology" that you use to encourage people to start using your hotel and vacation package services? Well, it's insulting.

I have no need of your marketing strategies, and I will not be using Expedia again.

From: Expedia Travel Support
To: [me]
Date: Aug 8, 2006 4:21 PM


Dear Expedia Customer,

Thank you for contacting us about our services.

We regret that your experience with Expedia.com was not satisfying. Comments such as yours are read by numerous people within Expedia and help shape our policies and practices as we learn and grow.

It is never Expedia.com's intent to mislead or to inconvenience our clients, and we are sorry that you feel Expedia has done so. We respect your decision to discontinue using our services, however, we hope that you would reconsider and visit us in again at www.expedia.com.

If you have further questions regarding this issue, feel free to reply to this e-mail or contact Expedia customer services at 1-800-397-3342 and reference case ID 27670158. You can also visit the Expedia.com "Customer Support" page for more customer service information.

Thank you for choosing Expedia.com.

Melody
Expedia.com Customer Support Team